Healing Mr Darcy’s Heart Page 7

  “Mrs. Collins had invited Miss Elizabeth to stay at Hunsford cottage, and I believe you know it is the living my aunt bestowed upon Mr. Collins. While Miss Elizabeth was in residence there, Colonel Fitzwilliam, who is my cousin, and I were attending to my aunt. I had many interactions with Miss Elizabeth, knew I loved her, and in my pomposity, thought my standing as a gentleman landowner would sway her to accept my proposal. A man in love can be quite foolish, and that is the best word to describe me.” Darcy gives a short laugh, and even Mr. Bennet allows a tiny grin.

  “As you well know your daughter, she let me know in no uncertain terms what she thought of my high handedness regarding Miss Bennet as well as her belief in the perfidy Mr. Wickham practiced upon her. Excoriating would be an apt description of her refusal.” Mr. Bennet gives a quick chuckle and nods his head as Darcy smiles abashedly. “Miss Elizabeth learned of my part in separating Miss Bennet from Bingley. Knowing I could not bear another set down but not wishing your daughter to hold me in such disdain, I wrote her a letter explaining my insensibility to Miss Bennet’s serene nature which led me to misconstrue her feelings for Bingley, and I addressed the lies Mr. Wickham spread against my character.”

  Mr. Bennet interjects with some comments of his own. “While I understand how Jane can be difficult to read, I must ask you, is there no truth to the rumors you gave Mr. Wickham’s living to another?” Even though Mr. Bennet risks offending Darcy, he will not give his consent for Lizzy to marry him without having the truth revealed. Darcy explains the nature of the interactions between himself and Wickham while keeping Georgiana’s reputation intact. Darcy tells Mr. Bennet only of another seduction which Wickham attempted and Darcy foiled. Mr. Bennet concludes Darcy has something to do with Lydia’s arranged marriage as Mr. Bennet is aware of Mr. Darcy’s presence when Lizzy received the distressing news. Darcy avoids telling him of just how involved he was and continues his tale.

  “It was while Miss Elizabeth was on tour with Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner that I had the very pleasant surprise of meeting her while she toured my estate. Her embarrassment was acute as I knew she would never have come of her own will, but I figured she was doing so in deference to her aunt and uncle’s desires. I strove to prove to her I attended to her reproofs and used every civility in my power to show her I had changed for a woman who was worthy to please. I also introduced her to my sister and was gratified to see them start an acquaintance.” Darcy pauses here and notes Mr. Bennet is mostly taken up by the narrative. The alarm Mr. Bennet sported earlier left to be replaced by a thoughtful mien. Darcy takes it as a good omen.

  “As you know, Miss Elizabeth received the missive in my company which relayed your youngest daughter’s misfortune. I called on Miss Elizabeth with the design to ask her to consent to a courtship after what I perceived as a softening of her thoughts towards me.” Darcy allows Mr. Bennet to add some comments here wherein Mr. Bennet thanks him for his kind attentions towards Elizabeth. Mr. Bennet does not want to press Darcy as to how much he took on to secure the match between Lydia and Wickham, but he knows he will address this matter with Lizzy later.

  “Mr. Bennet, I confessed my involvement to Bingley in separating him from Miss Bennet and urged him back to Hertfordshire to claim his happiness which he did. I was unsure of my reception here because of my poor behavior, and then I came to know my aunt had descended upon your household most ungraciously and offered Miss Elizabeth insult. I must say, Sir, I am heartily ashamed of her behavior, and I did not encourage her in that regard.” Darcy flushes a little. Elizabeth is not the only one with relatives who act inappropriately.

  Now it is Mr. Bennet’s turn to chuckle, “Mr. Darcy, I admit to receiving correspondence from Mr. Collins, and while it is unflattering to admit, I look forward to his missives as a source of entertainment. He wrote to me about the possibility of an alliance between you and Lizzy, which I am sorry to say I made light of to Lizzy. Her reluctance to join in puzzled me but now makes sense. I have no doubt your aunt took Mr. Collins’ presumption to heart and acted upon it?”

  “Indeed she did,” Darcy responds, “it is her actions which gave me the impetus to return to repair the damage she had caused, to give an apology where it is needed and to see if your daughter would tolerate my presence with the hope of more. Mr. Bennet, I am truly remorseful for the poor way I conducted myself and assure you I respect, admire and cherish your daughter and would like nothing more than to have your consent to our union. I love her.” Darcy’s intelligent stare is fixed on Mr. Bennet, and it is unwavering. Mr. Bennet does not doubt Darcy speaks the truth. However, he will still hear from Lizzy first, and if she harbors any qualms, Mr. Bennet will make moves to protect his second daughter.

  “Mr. Darcy, if Elizabeth esteems you as such, you are worthy of her.”

  At length, Mr. Darcy emerges looking a little worn, but he flashes her a grin all the same, “your father awaits you.” Darcy returns without notice back to the parlor, and as is his wont when uncomfortable, he is taciturn and stares into the fire while fidgeting with his signet ring.

  As Elizabeth enters the library, Mr. Bennet addresses her, “Lizzy are you sure to what you have agreed? You professed a dislike for the man or is it you just wish to have him. I would never believe you to be mercenary looking only to his riches. I would hear from you, but I have given him consent. Daughter, spare me the grief of seeing you in an unfulfilling marriage, one of which you are not a partner to your husband. If he is a disagreeable sort, it will chafe against your nature, and you will never esteem your husband nor see him as a superior.”

  “I know you question my indifference and I am sure Mr. Darcy with his honest nature enlightened you as to what had transpired between us? I would venture a guess to say he was most forthcoming and apologetic regarding his poor behavior and my reproofs. I would say he took all the blame upon himself for the actions of others including my own? He probably did not mention how I abused him so harshly to his face and flung unjust accusations at him?” Mr. Bennet acknowledges this to be true. There is nothing left for Lizzy to explain then except the feelings deep within her heart. She starts slowly then continues with more passion.

  “He is not proud or disagreeable; he is in point a very amiable man. My feelings against him gradually changed as I understood his nature better. He protects those he affects and often acts to do so without thought to how others may view his actions. Father, I must tell you of his part in saving Lydia.” Elizabeth told him the whole of Darcy’s involvement in restoring respectability to the Bennet sisters. “He did so for me, Father, to give me comfort. He bore many mortifications to protect me.” Mr. Bennet is astounded, but Lizzy is not finished in her declarations of admiration for the man.

  “Papa, as ridiculous as it may sound, the man fascinated me even as early as our first acquaintance. After our confrontation and his letter to me at Hunsford, I found my prejudices against him gradually falling away. I thought I lost the esteem of a good man. Then when he left the Lambton inn after comforting me and hearing of Lydia’s shame, I thought I lost him again, that he would never renew his offer to me. Papa, when he was shot because of my rash actions and his move to put his life in jeopardy to save mine, I feared losing him again. He became so ill with fever, and I was frightened I would still lose him. I beg you; please do not have me lose him. I love him; he is the best of men; he is my fondest wish.” Lizzy is openly crying now as the emotions course through her. Voicing her fears over not only losing Mr. Darcy’s love but losing Darcy to the gunshot or subsequent fever has Lizzy distraught. Mr. Bennet not only understands her attachment to Mr. Darcy but he admires the man for the protection he repeatedly gave his daughters.

  Mr. Bennet listens raptly as Elizabeth told him of the horror of the attack, her impetuous behavior of crashing the flowerpot onto Stark, the fear of seeing the gun pointed at her and the sacrifice Mr. Darcy made to assure her safety. She tells Mr. Bennet of her anguish upon learning of Mr. Darcy’s wound and the following fever, knowing alr
eady she loved him. Elizabeth then shares with her father the witty, light side of Mr. Darcy which no one is privy to. She explains how he made light of his injury and mocked himself and his failings to protect her sensibilities in a distressing situation.

  “While I thought I was attending him, he was, in fact, attending me. How could I not love someone who would give so freely of himself?” Lizzy states with conviction. She further enlightens her father about the stories of Darcy’s youth and the amusement they both find at the follies of others. Mr. Bennet is amazed to hear of Mr. Darcy seeking Elizabeth’s opinions and allowing her the freedom to speak her mind. “He at no time is offended by my impertinence. Instead, he calls it the liveliness of my mind,” Lizzy giggles, “Papa can you imagine another who would tolerate such? I cannot.”

  Mr. Bennet confesses to surprise but with an easy heart and mind gives Lizzy his blessings. He finds more and more to admire about Mr. Darcy and determines to learn more of this respectable man to whom Lizzy gave her heart to. Mr. Bennet thinks to his chagrin he was unaware of his favorite daughter’s recent heartache and distress but is grateful to Mr. Darcy’s unwavering commitment to her. Mr. Bennet assumed when Lizzy went along with Jane to stay at Netherfield it was merely another one of Mrs. Bennet’s ploys. Mr. Bennet did not know Darcy became that ill.

  Elizabeth returns to the parlor where Darcy seated himself near Bingley and Jane. The latter two are aware of the import of tonight’s discussions with Mr. Bennet. Lizzy sits in a nearby chair and twists her mouth into an inviting grin while telling Darcy all is well. Lizzy is convinced it best to inform her mother after the gentlemen left for the evening. In the meantime, they sit to a meal together, and Mr. Bennet observes the deference Mr. Darcy gives Elizabeth. Mr. Bennet looks forward to some conversation with the young gentleman, and while he does not approve of Darcy’s brooding aspect during social gatherings, he begins to understand it. After all, Mr. Bennet retreats to his library to avoid contact with others, so he surmises perhaps he and Mr. Darcy have some things in common. A great love for Elizabeth is just one.

  Chapter 10

  Later that night before her mother retires, Elizabeth seeks her out. Deciding the best way to handle her mother would be to come to the point quickly, Elizabeth states she is betrothed to Mr. Darcy with Mr. Bennet’s knowledge and consent. Mrs. Bennet is shocked into silence for a span of time. As the reality of the momentous news gradually sinks in she gives herself over to all sorts of musings often overlapping each other. “What carriages, what pin money, Jane’s is nothing to it! What a fine handsome man. He will overlook my initial dislike of him. What manners. Lizzy indeed! Mr. Darcy! Imagine!” Lizzy is grateful Darcy does not see the vulgar display.

  The night for Darcy is much more sedate. He confirmed with Bingley he is now a newly plighted man and he gave leave to the tender, pleasant feelings which now embrace him. The men jest as to how the Colonel’s night has transpired not to mention Mrs. Bennet’s nerves when she learns of Elizabeth’s betrothal. Charles is curious regarding the how and when of informing Caroline of the happy event. Both men agree to leave that conversation until on the morrow so they may enjoy a peaceful night.

  Upon retiring to his chambers and his inviting bed, Darcy feels contented as never before. Even though his shoulder aches still being a somewhat new injury, his heart is so at peace that the lingering pain hardly troubles him. He begins to reflect on his life. He knew his parents’ unwavering love, he learned his duties well and he continues to protect and provide for those under his care.

  However, he felt dissatisfaction with his personal life. As he withdrew into himself to protect himself from disingenuous people, loneliness and bitterness became constant companions. Only those closest to him know of his penchant for laughter, his wittiness, and his true amiable nature. He is sick of false civility and pandering displayed in his presence by those who only wish to gain something from him. The women are the worst, seeking his opinion and agreeing with anything that comes from his mouth. The bored looks on their faces as he gives his insights on a book, discusses politics, or speaks of the management of the estate reveals the secret.

  Once the music starts, they are all there, hoping the Master of Pemberley will dance with them, find them attractive, and find them worthy of his consideration because they played the game with him as they were taught. How can he find a woman of depth among those? He needs a partner where others are happy with a trophy upon their arms. Other men do not want their authority challenged or have a lady who might have an independent thought. Once the novelty of these pretty but vapid women wears off, their husbands often seek the comfort and the liveliness found with a mistress. How could one call himself a gentleman and partake of such indulgences? Even though it was tolerated behavior which made for tantalizing gossip, Darcy is disgusted by it. The ton is replete with poor behavior.

  Darcy has been raised in the church, and he attends services regularly. In addition to seeing the mutual respect his parents had for one another, as he aged he became aware that his father did not approve of relations outside of the marital bed. Coupling his father’s advice with the church’s teachings about not defiling one’s body by satisfying base desires caused Darcy to have a firm belief in remaining innocent until marriage. His position is difficult to maintain especially as friends, and some family members take liberties, but Darcy considers himself above that kind of behavior. That is not to say sex does not enter his mind. However, when he honed his incredible tolerance and forbearance, he uses those skills in all areas of his life. The ladies of the ton who thought to entice him with their ‘charms’ are easily turned away.

  Then came the fateful trip to Hertfordshire. He never expected to be knocked off kilter the way he was. Still reeling from what he perceived as a failing in his duty to Georgiana as well as another year of loneliness, Darcy agreed to the trip to appease his friend. He was surly, he was bitter, he was angry. He, who supposedly has all the good things in life, did not have what mattered to him, a partner, confidant, lover and a family of his own making and he brooded about it. Bingley jested about finding a mate among Mr. Bennet’s lovely daughters while Darcy highly doubted such would be the case. Why if he couldn’t find his mate among the cultured ladies of the ton, provincial Meryton certainly would fall short. There he erred. The thought caused him to smile.

  Elizabeth danced into his life. He recalled her laughter, easy manner, lightness of figure, and those fine eyes. How foolish he was to deny the attraction. All his well-honed defenses meant nothing. Unknowingly she shattered his preconceived ideas about love. He stupidly believed his consequence and money would sway her. He admits to himself that some of his thoughts on making a good match are based on what the ton would approve. This realization of his hypocrisy sent him into a black mood after his first insulting, ignorant proposal.

  Darcy recalled with shame his perfidy against Bingley and Jane. He, who is noted for being forthright and honest threw away those principles to act duplicitously so he would not have to continue to fight his attraction to Elizabeth while his friend courted her sister. Selfish, selfish man. Wickham’s lies further pushed Elizabeth into thinking Darcy, the worst of men. Shaking off a childhood friend then refusing him a living. Grave accusations indeed and Elizabeth came at Darcy with such vim and vigor to defend a beloved sister and someone she thought to be a friend. Darcy could not help, in the light of day, to appreciate how she spoke her mind.

  Darcy recalled seeing her at Pemberley. Oh, she was mortified, expecting him to take some revenge upon her for her unjust accusations. Darcy extended every courtesy hoping to show her he had attended to her reproofs. He sought her opinions on the estate and welcomed her aunt and uncle. He sensed a softening in her feelings for him, but he was plainly afraid. She is a woman worthy to be pleased, and he would do so, starting with a courtship. However, Wickham had unknowingly interrupted that plan. Darcy still could recall how Elizabeth’s tears tore through him which made him want to gather her to him and of
fer comfort, but he restrained himself, instead putting his cold and cunning business acumen to the test and seeing an end to the madness claiming the light from Elizabeth’s eyes.

  Darcy had to protect her; he was born to do so. Protect those you love, and he loves her most of all. With her near him he feels whole, the loneliness and bitterness dissipated instantly. Darcy is glad he came back to Netherfield to try to win her because she is the only woman who can complete him. Darcy was thrilled when she seemed glad to see him in town, and he felt he was on the cusp of attaining bliss with this remarkable woman when the unthinkable happened. They were attacked. Darcy snickers a bit replaying the whack she gave Stark with the flower pot. Apparently, just like him, Elizabeth will do what is necessary to protect her family and friends. It is curious to Darcy that he cannot recall feeling the ball from the gun slam into him. All he registered was Elizabeth calling his name. He will never forget the horror of seeing the gun pointed at her, but the initial shock of being shot did not register, just Elizabeth using his name.

  Darcy muses upon Elizabeth’s worried face seeking his, her applying pressure to his wound and his distracting conversation with her, knowing she needed him to be strong for her. He is cognizant of how she remained strong for him, supported him and saw to his needs. They were laying the foundation for an enduring marriage once the strictures of propriety were ignored. Vague images returned to him of Elizabeth in his sickroom. What other lady would risk all to be by his side? Another thought occurs to Darcy, what had he and Elizabeth discussed? He knew snippets of their prior arguments went through his mind while he had the fever. He remembers asking her if his hope still rested with her and her response but what of the other issues? With their newfound honesty with each other, Darcy contents himself with the knowledge that all he will have to do is ask her. Settling down into the covers as sleep begins to claim him, he feels an overwhelming peace seep into his soul-he is loved by the woman he loves most ardently. One last smile flits across his face, even though Elizabeth thinks little of his wealth, he knows she will adore the ring he purchased for her. It symbolizes his love to be sure but what he picked out is unique to her.